Sunday, August 31, 2003
the steps never seemed to end. with every step i took.
the more stairs there seemed to be. there was no end.
i was out of breathe. and i ran all the way to your ward.
mum was weeping. brother was sniffing. and sis was tearing.
clenched in your fist an unopened letter titled in my name.
please forgive me. i never meant what i said. right smacked in the middle were the words i read.
i fell to my knees. and couldn't help but think. of the past memories.
i could not possibly forgive myself for shotuing those remarks at you.
i could not imagaine that i actually scolded you like you owed me the whole world.
drowned in sorrow and misery. all i can think of now is how close we used to be.
livingherdreams;
+ 10:12 PM
i was breaking out in cold sweat and slowly losing all my concentration and focus.
my eyes hover around you before they fell into a deep coma. i dunoe wad was going on.
all i could think of was. regretting not telling you how i feel. and wishing how you feel the same.
i could hear you calling for my name. but i couldn't summon enough energy to reply.
i dun wan to go. i haven't told you. how much i love the way you look at me. the way you smile.
the way you tell me about how much she bothers you. the way you look worried when she ignores you.
how much i wish to tell you. i wun do that to you. how much i wish to say. i'll treat you in a better way.
but now it is all too late. i dunoe wad's happening. let's pray. i'll have the courage to say. if i ever made my way.
livingherdreams;
+ 10:05 PM
i am shagged. just came back from j8 not long ago. went to help zhi hao's store.
tiring ah. though it is for the good of the cancer society. hehe. still. they made qiute abit.
woarhs. 3-4 chs guys. you pple rawkz.! =p aniwae. really am very tired today.
so shall not blog that much. just two more stories that i thought of when i was selling stuff today.
lol.
livingherdreams;
+ 9:47 PM
i totally flooded my blog with my crazy fantasies.
hope you enjoy them though. =p
livingherdreams;
+ 12:49 AM
the judge annouced his verdict. i had won.
yet another case. i knew right from the start.
another heavy pile of cash i have made. for clearing the name of a rich man's kid for a crime he really did commit.
such truth did not bother me no more. all i needed was money.
i dun noe when i started being so ruthless. perhaps since you left.
the way you abondoned me for her. makes me anger. and boiling mad.
i want to prove to you. i want to show you. what i am made of. and how i turn white to black.
you are shameless. don't you have a consicence. you screamed at me.
you took it with you the day you left me. i said. and you stood there. dumb folded.
i turned to face the crying victims and walked out of court.
grinning over the cash i would be receiving.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:49 AM
sitting behind the virtual screen is where i knew i belonged.
only then no one would be able to judge me by my appearance.
but by who i really am. and how caring i can really be.
your requests to meet i had turned down. knowing that you'll be tunred off the moment you saw me.
your name flashed across my scrren one cold afternoon.
saying that you have found a girlfriend and you simply loved her.
seeing the picture you send me. i was shocked and my tears took control over me.
it was you. you all along. we had parted because you hated the way i looked and said that we were not compaitable.
but how well had we hit off. and i sat there and cried.
as the brutal truth set down in me.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:43 AM
both of you drew your wands. i wished all this never happened.
the light from mine saw the scars inscripted on your face due to the journey you had covered.
i noe you have been waiting for this moment. for the truth to be revealed. for your identity to be divulged.
his fearful laugh filled the room. and den i see three men closing in on us.
be careful. i'll take care of the other three. were the last words i have ever spoken to you.
i drew my wand face to face with danger. not as great as yours. but still i fought the way i thought best.
one down two to go. i thought to myself. as i turned back to look at you. fighting with all you've got.
with my passing in the defence class. low class attackers were not my match.
i was smirking over my victory when i heard your scream. the one i heard when you nearly lost you life.
i grabbed you in my arms as he drew nearer and nearer. hearing you breathe your last. anger came all over me.
i drew my wand again. and pointed it at him. as he stopped right before me.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:36 AM
the world i knew no longer existed. darkness has taken over it.
now what is left is ash and a glimmer of hope. and dreams.
the 6 of us had to overcome the anxiety. the fears of our dears.
we managed to keep our little town safe and sound from the distance cry of the evil lord.
but yet now. we are trapped behind bars of steel we never knew existed before.
behind the clutches of the wonders men has created themselves.
death was probably the only way that was seen as a light punishment then.
but yet. with our courage and strength. we fought to keep us safe.
the lord was destroyed by its creators. by the very ones who built him.
the ones who thought it could have meant wealth. not destruction.
restoring the world would be a difficult job for 6. but then again.
what has been not. since we came this far. we were not giving up.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:25 AM
pain stabbed my heart. fear took over me.
when i saw you hand in hand with her in your wedding suits.
the lights fell on both of you. and the elves sang the wedding song.
two months ago. it would have been me and you.
but what has happen. i noe you aint happy too. but you had to think for me.
held in captive. you couldn't bear to see me suffer a bit longer.
the disatnce was short. yet it took a millions years to see you walk down the asile.
hand still held down by the elves that were once at your command. i knew it was against your will.
all i can blame is that i am of no royal blood and not fit for you.
but i stood in awe. as i saw you tore your tie and ran towards me.
beaten were the elves who stood in our way. running towards the future we had.
in a distance land. we settled down. got married. and hide away from all the royalty we knoew we will never learn to appreciate.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:18 AM
the rain was falling. and the wind was blowing.
i seeked shelter from a nearby bus-stop.
my books were wet and my hair was drenched.
shocked was i when i looked up upon you handning me a piece of tissue.
nice brown hair and beautiful blue mysterious eyes. i knew i had fallen for you.
day to day. without fail. i will meet you at the bus stop. but we never spoke.
i thought you didn't felt the same. since you did not smile again.
and i never dared to tell you. how much i had actually felt for you.
flustered and worried was how i felt. when i didn't see you one morning.
but by the corner stood a lady who passed me a letter she said wrote by you.
i dunoe who you are. but i think you are really cute. and i really just want to say.
i would have wanted to know you better. but i am so sorry. my cancer has gotten the better of me.
and as you read. i would be lying on my hospital bed. waiting for my death.
the rain wetted the letter as i ran all the way to the hospital the lady had directed me to.
empty was your bed i saw. but for a packet of tissue.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:10 AM
the whole world was against me. as i fought to stay by your side.
i never knew that fame was your dream. that fortune was ur desire.
your empire was up. your name was there. but wad about the love we once shared.
i was used. i told myself. and i should leave. but yet. the love i had for you. changed my mind.
i became your evil hand. a pawn that was directed yet had no idea wad was going on.
stood in the empty stell cold room. looking down at the vast land i had once known.
had became debris with the graves of many i once loved dearly. just not as dear as you.
i had no tears. to speak of. until the day you ordered you guards on me.
red was all i see as i strived to crawl towards your throne.
i didnt betray you. and i still loved you all the same. stop wadever you are doing.
stop harming the world. and the ones that love you the same way i do. were the last words.
i had managed to gasped. sinister was your laugh though faint as i laid on myy death bed.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:01 AM
Saturday, August 30, 2003
seeing you with them. i turned my back and left.
heads were turned as they saw a familiar face on me.
i could not cope the fame i never wished i had.
i noe you'll be happier the other way. the way without me.
the room door opened. and you stood at the doorway fuming mad.
but all you see was an empty room i have cleared and left.
the pain the misery the anger was written all over the face i was too familiar with.
the plane took off. and i stood on the ground wishing you all the best i could.
how i have regretted leaving you. but i knew. it was for your good.
but tears covered my view. when i turned around and saw you standing right before me.
from that moment i guessed. in my eyes there'll only be you.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:50 PM
lights were on me. curtains were drawn.
and there again. i have to pretend another me.
each time i tell myself. i'll never do this again.
but again and again have i failed to convince the fame i yearned.
the audience applauded as i bowed and left the stage.
but how my heart was aching to see your seat empty.
sorrow and tears drowned my pillow that night.
i knew you never loved the other me. and you hated how i pretended.
but i have been pretending as long as i had lived.
it was the moment i set my eyes on you. that i felt someone loved me.
the way i am. the colour of my ordinary self.
yet. hopes were dashed. as you found out. the brutal truth you had to face.
the sun has risen. and another day awaits me.
as i continue pretending to be someone else but me.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:41 PM
the hopes were on me. thoudsands of lives were in my hands.
this is just a fairytale i told myself. stood up and met my men.
but aranel they are all waiting for you. were the words last rung upon me.
dressed in bronze and silver i strode to where i belong. to start yet another hell.
and came the moment i knew i have to face. seeing you where you were.
coated in the same attire i had knew you would. i walked up to you.
i drew my sword and pointed it at you. but all you did was to close your eyes.
tears i was familiar with touched my face once again. and my sword dropped.
blood and pain was all i felt. and you held me in your arms just once again.
please dun die. i promise you i'll never leave again were just the words i needed.
i remembered the look in your eye. the expression you had. and i left. forever.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:34 PM
the saddest song
[the ataris]
only two more days
until your birthday
yesterday was mine
youll be turning five
i know what its like
growing up without
your father in your life.
so i pretend
im doing all i can
and hope someday youll find it in your heart
to understand
why im not around
and forgive me for not being in your life.
i remember waiting for you to go.
i remember waiting for you to call.
i remember waiting there to find nothing at all.
i remember waiting for you to come.
remember waiting for you to call.
waiting there to find nothing at all.
maybe someday
youll really get to know me
not just from letters wrote to you
i pray i get the chance
to make it up to you
weve got alot of catching up to do.
forgive me.
im so sorry.
i will make it up to you.
livingherdreams;
+ 3:46 PM
finally! i have changed my blog to make it look more presentable. =p
i also haven't really been blogging. but dont worry. i will try to after the common test week.
aniwae. just to add on to the updated version of yc and rachel's blog. since like we three do almost all stuf together. i shall continue to nag about it.
if you all realised. sljm and rye performed on the teacher's day performance and i think we all did very well. haha. i hope so. wad do you think. leave a comment on our dance. yea.? lol.
just had my sergeant campcraft promotion test recently. dunoe whether can pass it or not. worst still. my dirll. let's all pray for the best. =p -pray for me-
aniwae. changed seats with samuel and is sitting with kenneth now. yet all he talks about is her. man. chin hui understand my pain too. *heh*
so. that's to summarise my last 20 days? nothing much lar. really. boring life. haha. aniwae. 28 was wei quan's birthday. so. happy birthday wei quan! =p
livingherdreams;
+ 3:38 PM
Saturday, August 09, 2003
oh manz. i haven been blogging for a very very long time. you cant really blame me.
can you. =p so busy with so mani stuff. especially rod coming up sia. hmm. 16th august.
well. a little nervous. but wad can i do rite? haha. shall try to update my blog more often now.
when i have the time that is. dun really have the time to come home on my com and slack in front of it now.
haha. people do grow up i guess. dont we. den we start to pioritise some stuff. haha. well. maybe. maybe not.
well. today is the full month of my nephew. woarhs. time really flies. haha. before i noe it. he'll be one year old.
hmm. bought lots of vcd to watch. it's really nice. for those who dun wanna watch huan zhu ge ge.
cause of the new cast. i recommend you guys to catch it. the new cast has better acting skills. =p and i believe it has more yan dao and more chio bu. hehe. so dun miss it.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:04 AM