Saturday, September 27, 2003
exhausted.*
pratice went well today. i totally slack. why? cause amy came down. spent most of the time toking to her. =] miss her so much. in case you are wondering who she is. she was my very first batch of nco. the best batch. which also include my wonderful rong zhen sir. oops. i mean mdm. =x oh yah. den went to eat with kim and yeo lae and saw wei quan. wah. went to play tennis to relieve exam stress ah he. =p den went out with mum to buy loads of assessment books. gonna mug. watch me. i am going to mug. yc. thank you so much for toking to me. *muackiez* it really meant alot. =]
livingherdreams;
+ 9:40 PM
Friday, September 26, 2003
struggle.*
i am breathless. from trying to shuffle between my responsibilities and being a good friend.
do your have any idea how i am feeling nowadays. my struggle to be my best on both sides.
worst of all. my struggle to forget him. i thought your understood. that's why i thanked god i had you people.
but wad happened today i dunoe. i felt so left out. i never did even managed to convince myself to face you.
that's why i phoned and sms-ed her instead of your. i felt so friendless. but that wasn't me. i had friends.
i wanted to call him. yet contemplate at the thought of him smirking. i wanted to call you two. yet. i didnt dared to.
i am breathless still. trying to understand why things turn out to be like what they did. a change in my status.
has changed the poeple around me. maybe not them. but my responsibilities. and my sacrifices that i have to make.
can i say. no to such. when the path today was something i hoped for. something i created myself?
livingherdreams;
+ 10:01 PM
Thursday, September 25, 2003
longtimecoming.*
it's been a long time coming down this road. and i finally know what i've been waiting for.
yet. now that i know. it is too late to keep you. everything is nothing without you.
it was practically a fairytale. of a girl meeting a boy she thought she wouldnt have fall in love with.
day by day. i waited. waited and waited. waiting for nothing at all.
livingherdreams;
+ 7:19 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
usedandneglected.*
who stood by you when your friends turned their backs on you?
who chose to stick by you no matter thick or thin. no matter where.
who gave you hope and love. to keep you going on and on.
who talked with you through the night. regardless of time and tide.
who comforted you time and time again. giving you all the reassurance.
who cried her heart out when she knew you were leaving. long.
who did you call. when you found out ur departure date drawing near.
who called you crying because she couldn't bear for you to leave.
who remained here for you to call and instruct. for you to use.
who cried her heart out again. when she knew she couldn't save her frienship.
i thought it was me. it was. but to you. all these never took place. never at all.
i dun blame you for forgetting. i dun blame you. i cant bear to. but all i wish.
is for a place in your heart. is that hard to give?
livingherdreams;
+ 7:52 PM
You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
livingherdreams;
+ 7:45 PM
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
on my own
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way
I close my eyes and he has found me
In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness
The trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever
And I know
Its only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say
There's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
And the river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are barren everywhere
And the streets are full of strangers
I love him
But everyday I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness
That I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only
On My Own
livingherdreams;
+ 7:38 PM
yea. i should have known. you have so many friends. how can you have time for everyone.if you dont even have time for your friends. where would you have time for me? should i put it this way then?i am just someone you can call and complain to when you feel that there is a need to.i thought i was important to you. i thought you really cared about my opinion. if you are reading this.let me tell you. i thought you wrong. real wrong. if such changes could affect how you and me are.i rather not change. i rather not have it. i rather give it up for us. for our friendship. do we still have one?times have changed. it has been 2 years down the road. and i aint saying it is a long time. but it was indeed.sweet memories we both have shared. maybe you werent as popular then as now. maybe you had no friends.maybe your friends turned against you and i was the only one you could confide in. whatever it is. i was used and now. neglected. didnt you felt the same once. and remember how i comforted you. i was there for you. but. where are you now? still. i miss you a million herseys milk chocolate bars.
livingherdreams;
+ 6:45 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2003
went to compass point today to study. borrowed a couple more of books. funky.
did some planning for annual camp in the library. man. it was freezing. ok. the postings are out.
well. not going to annouce it publicly in here. so if ya interested. check out the board. =]
bought a new pair of sandals from charles and keith. batik. hehe. kool. my mom getting the same pair too. =p
well. yc. i agree. this period of time does mean something to us. good or bad. bad or good. it is the past. so we shall live on yea? =)
maybe there is someone new in your life. not like i was in your life. or perhaps. i wasnt important enough to be noticed. i doubt you can ever explain how you feel for me. cause there were no feelings involved. is it that difficult to ask for a reply. to ask to show you care. i dunoe what's happening. but we aint toking. thats not the way it should be. can someone please save me. and just tell me. how can he be my past.
livingherdreams;
+ 8:46 PM
Friday, September 19, 2003
got back my damn report card. if people say i am a good student. my marks definately aint reflecting it.
english - 82
chinese - 72
e maths - 68
a maths - 29
biology - 65
physics - 65
social studies - 70
literature - 57
geography - 64
surprised my amaths pass 10% sia.. =x
livingherdreams;
+ 8:24 PM
another day passed. another day without you. wad must i do. before i can convince myself that you dun care anymore.
how long much i wait before you call for me. and even if you do. for what do you call? used and neglected that is all i feel.
talked to jason today. gosh. i envy caithlin. she has such nice parents. haha. man. look at mine. ok. my mom is ok. i shall not elaborate any further. =p went to far east today. wanted to buy soem shoes. ended up it was yc who bought stuff. lol. guess i cannot afford it financely ah. but i bought the what a girl wants vcd.
watched it again. enjoyed it again. simply love it. haha. though it was pretty expensive.
nvm. worth the money. =x
have np tml. it is going to be a tiring day for me. that is all i can. nvm. i hope i can pull through. god bless me. =]
livingherdreams;
+ 8:18 PM
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
my hp beeped. i closed my eyes. and wished on a thousand stars that it would be you.
i guessed i was to used to disappointment to feel anything when i saw it wasn't you.
where have you been. where were you. ur world still goes on turning. that i knew.
with or without me. you still could make it on your own. but dun you know. i cant go on without you.
today wasn't that bad. learnt softball in pe. totally kool. just that i probably have to learn to aimm. haha.
den did alot of stuff lar. physics. haha. lawrence tan practically just cracked the joke of the year.
"people who go for hair removal are wasting money and is very dangerous too. next time got lightning then they cannot tell." why? for those who haven't been studying physics let me enlighten you. because due to the electrons. when lightning is about to strike. our hair will stand due to the repelling. -sciency-
shall go do some english homework. tata.~
livingherdreams;
+ 7:09 PM
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
got back my crapped up marks. freakish shit.
english - 22/25
chinese - 76/100
e maths - 27/50
a maths - 4.5/45
physics - 43.5/60
biology - 27.5/45
geography - 35/50
social studies - 17/25
livingherdreams;
+ 8:41 PM
Monday, September 15, 2003
livingherdreams;
+ 10:03 PM
so what now? not even replying my msg. sighh.~
livingherdreams;
+ 9:15 PM
so after all. you said it. i am nothing but a problem. your problem. isnt it so?
your disappointment i can understand. my pain you have not. you have failed.
failed as wad. a sir. or a friend. i hope you know. i'll never blame the unfeeling you.
but what about the one who understands. the one who cares. the one who has once showed he loved.
your disppointment has not surpassed mine. mine in a friend. yours in a tool.
have you not know how miserable i felt. when i could see you. yet not talk.
you know you're the one i'll call when i am alone. when i need someone to talk too.
yet. i was in no position to talk to you about anything was i? cause wad was i?
a casualty. is it.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:49 PM
i am back from atc. well. i really did suffered. but i definately enjoyed this year's more than last year's.
shall not elaborate on it. why? cause i have absolutely no interest in sharing my tormented moments.
had dinner at adrian's house yesterday. reuben is so cute. and hannah is so easy to feed.
jason's girl was there too. still owe her a bear. they are all so cute. haha. four kids in the house.
and yet it was so quiet. the ones that were making noise. was us. was watching vegetales. den all started crapping.
enjoyed myself lots. really really wish the camp didn't ended. haha. den i didn't have to go to atc.
and i wun be here at home on such a lovely school day. why? because the damn bloody sand flies bites are spreading to my face! wth! hope they disappear tml. if not. i will stay at homeee. and never leave my bed.
shall go apply my cream now. trying to salvage wadever i can. tata.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:37 PM
Thursday, September 11, 2003
my handphone beeped. okay. it didnt really beeped. it chimed.
opened my message and saw it was from one of my kids.
ahh. shucks. she made me feel so miserable again. see lar.
if today was yesterday. i would be having tea with my kids. drinking sour plum.
deciding who should get the best camper. thinking of how to reward my kids.
i would have been still trying to fend off all the kids from elim chew.
most probably didnt have the need to feel sad at all.
but adrain was right. letting go is the hardest thing to do.
and i cant make this through alone. what's more i'll be going atc tml.
i'll miss them even more. crap. am i nuts or wad. ok nvm.
catching legally blonde 2 with yc and rach tml. guess that will cheer me up alittle.
hope so. sickening! going to big adrain's house for dinner this sunday.
ah. he has dogs. hope they are small. =x
shall go bathe now. wun be blogging till next week.
why? cause i got atc till sunday. why? cause i think i would be so mentally tattered and torn to blog anithing.
ahhhh. someone save me. can i skip atc? =x
livingherdreams;
+ 3:31 PM
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
just broke camp and i am already feeling so miserable.
no more waking up early in the morning to catch my mentor's car down to the campsite.
no more seeing my kids. no more fun. no more seeing them laugh and smile at me when they win.
no more yuwen-jie-jie can i get to hear. this is making me feel so sick and miserable!
i want my kids! they are so cute. they were a bundle of joy at camp.
and i really enjoyed every minute i have spent with them. except when you try to get them to line up.
they practically do the opposite. but the camp would never have been the same without them! ahh..
i miss them.. if any of my kids actually sees this, please tell the rest i love you guys yea? =)
camp was fufilling for me. though i wasn't there to learn. i learnt lots on how to handle kids.
how to be a good coach. and never try to add your dance steps into a slow song.
if not you will end up on stage. haha. you dun wanna noe wad happened manz. crazy.
to my mentor jason. hey. dude. save and invest. to hell with those idiots who took the money of urs.
they are bastards. work hard for your wife and girl yea. i will be supporting you. take care!
to the tall adrian. who made everything possible for me and the rest of the coaches. you rawkz dude!
learnt lots from you too. especially english! t-u-i-t-i-o-n. try to read that. the english way. =p
gonna miss this camp like crazy. but i believe i'll hear more of this. this end of year.
oh no. does that mean i will feel sad after evry camp. gracious. i will be so sad i cannot be happy animore.!
lol. okok. i am so tired i am beginning to type crap. zzzzz. nitey.
born & made. to instill, inspire & develop and entrepreneurial mindset. =D
livingherdreams;
+ 10:19 PM
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
everyone around me was not aware of who i am. yet they stare.
he came and addressed and totally didn't know of my presence.
faces were worried and curious. as i stood and he fell to his knees.
get up. i called. those who are unaware bear no crime.
but my lord. i bring to you news of my sickly father.
and as well as an order for me to go with them to go on their journey.
what more can a girl do. another cried. this is too dangerous for you.
men. failed their greed. and are in no position to comment. i have the gift of foresight.
you shall have my service.
my sword was stained with blood. of those that i have slained.
i was anxiously looking around for you. you who promised not to die.
relief came over. comfort took over. as i saw you fighting with all your might.
victory was ours. and there was light again.
it has been a dangerous and long fight. war brings nothing but sorrow.
and there you were standing amongst happy families.keeping the promised you've made.
i smiled. cleaning off the pains you suffered in battle. but then i knew.
the battle has just began.
horses were galloping through the forest. the dead were following.
they have crossed the land and the are safe. gone with the dead.
aranel. your father is dead. you are now heir to the throne. my men siad.
convey my orders now my men. my brother shallsit the throne till i return.
the trees. the leaves. were turning yellow and red as they fell on me.
and there i was. sitting on the stone pavement weeping.
rest atar. rest well in peace. i shall not let your kingdom down.
to reign in peace. to rule with the heart. for my father. who gave all he's got.
aranel. he is wounded. the arrow is poisoned.
i watched in horror as my men carried him. he had no life. none at all.
retreat with the prince to the fort. two of you. save him.
how is he. i ran down the fleet of stairs leading into the fort. victory was ours.
aranel. keep your cool. he has the gift of the power to heal. he will pull through.
flakes of snow started to fall onto the window and by his bed.
i sat by his bed and hoped he would wake up. day by day. night by night.
aranel. what are you doing here. you look tired. his icy cold hands touched my face.
you are awke. how are you feeling. i shall fetch the doctor.
aranel. it's ok. how long have i been sleeping. you look as if you haven't rest for days.
i brushed his hair and smiled. thanks god he's awake.
tari. welcome back. the army is ready. when shall we leave. my men asked.
they are in danger. now we shall. keep a hundred. to stay with the young and the old.
we shall reach before sunset. and get ready for battle. yes my men chorused.
we had no rest nor took no food. we rode all the way to the geat fortress.
aranel. you are back. king's order to be positioned by nightfall. one men cried.
strapping every piece of metal. hanging form my shoulder. is a responsibility i wished i never had to carry.
how i wish. this is will the last i have to hear of war.
livingherdreams;
+ 4:41 PM