Monday, March 29, 2004
shouts out loud : numb!
we are back to the old hot and non air-con class. *damn* lol. so sickening. so stuffy. and that stupid beiling material absorbs all the sound waves of the poor teachers who apparently are already shouting. lol. then mr lawrence tan came ina nd spent nearly one period explaining to us why we felt so uncomfortable and hot! cute guy! and kim said he looked like han bin when he smile. oh man. poor han bin. i ffel so insulted for him. =p *bin ahh* =x then after that stayed back for remedial! lol. hey, guess what. i did my homework ehh! yesh! i rawkz. =p no laa, felt so guai today.
talked to that guy, ya, that guy. he made sense. i mean anyone whom you respect would make sense. and its not like i was totally correct to begin with. hai, shall think about this another day. i really dont want to end up killing myself because of this. oh yes, btw, i failed my ssgt test. congrat me ok? i am too numb to be even bothered with your sniggers. wadever.
i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. if i dont, you'll hurt me. deeper and deeper by the day.
livingherdreams;
+ 10:06 PM
Sunday, March 28, 2004
shouts out loud: some people dont change!
to you:
all good things come to an end. even though we may have fought many obstacles to stand where we are today. things still have to end. because only when it ends, then do people savour in its good memories. it was inevitable. you had to lose one of us. and though you had no choice, it was me. i hadnt give up on you. if i did, i wont be bothered whether you were having fun with others or not. but you can only choose one. and thats life. because you can never mix fire with water, salt with sugar. you tried. she didnt. i want to give in. but her attitude resoluted my decision. its not how we end up, its how we came together. partings are just but part and parcel of life. so, dont think too much. because it is impossible for the world to return to normal. because so much bad had happened. just impossible.
han bin called me today! *oops* ak better not be seeing this. talked about quite some stuff. and i realised. that some people are always there for you even if you dont see them. they are always there for you to fall back on when the world around you go crazy and you feel like youre losing yourself. thats nice. so we talked and i made up my mind. for him, for myself as well to prove my worth of being where i am today. no one, even norman, is allowed to ever look down on me again. okay, back to tuition. change of relief teacher. was a female, quite happy. *sexist* then turn out she was even more boring than that skinny guy that thought us last week! oh my, millie! oei! come back! lol. then, ya lar. nothing much le. lol. my life is just so boring. unlike my brother, whose life is full of shouting with the teachers. =p
without him. the world around me changes, the trees are barren everywhere the streets are full of strangers. but. without me. his world will go on turning. a world thats full of happiness, that i have never known. -les miserables, on my own.
livingherdreams;
+ 12:43 PM
Saturday, March 27, 2004
shouts out loud: beaten and fallen.
so many things have happened. yet, i can find no words to explain. even if i do, no one understands. no one will. because they dont make an effort to. esp you, norman. you never asked.
someone please save me. i am losing my mind to the very fragility of mankind. so easily seduced, so quick to fall.
livingherdreams;
+ 10:38 PM
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
shouts out loud: how to deal?
there is alot of things going through my mind at this instance. like NOW. yes, i am going crazy. never once had i felt much more depressed than this. if there is anything i can do about it, tell me. i will do it to make my life easier.
somethings wrong. really wrong. i dont feel comfortable with you anymore. 4 years and now, i dont feel comfortable anymore. a short period of a week has changed my perceptions on our friendship. you can say i dont make an effort. but how was i suppose to? you people seem to be enjoying yourself, even without me. so why should i make myself present? and mix company that doesnt need me? and if you are reading this. dont approach me. it wont help.
i need help. i cant concentrate. neither am i doing well in anything. nothing at all! my studies are dropping by the day and my homework is piling higher and higher by the mintue. if someone doesnt stop this, i might be quitting school just as you say 'gone'. worse still, theres a damn ssgt test i decided to take, which i am completely ignorant about. yes, i admit it. i am stupid. the most stupid and idiotic girl living on the sirface of earth. i studied, and i did badly. i studied, yet i fail. i studied, yet nothing goes and stay in my brain. maybe i should do a brain transplant.
theres so much going through my mind now, i feel like sleeping. and never wake up to face all these. who ever said that taking o levels was this stressful? no one told me this! no one breathed a word about it being so unmanageable for a stupid person like me. i always reprimand jing ting for being dumb, maybe i am dumber. wait, i am. without a doubt.
i need you. i need you. i need you. i need you. i need you. i need you.
livingherdreams;
+ 9:47 PM
Monday, March 22, 2004
shouts out loud: i'm afraid!
lol! first day of school, and i am already busy. copying homework that is. did not touch a single one. and i have plenty to do today. in fact, i should be mugging for my physics test now instead of blogging here! lol. =x forgot to bring my jacket today, totally regret it. damn. it was freezing. wasnt in a very good mood today. but lao da cheered me up! lol. had breakfast with him! thank you! =p well, timetable has changed and i dont like it! a maths and physics before recess? wads is left of recess? damn. pe is on thursday now. and well. fine with that. nothing interesting later. except that the sports day people had their heats today. and i made up an idea for dryburgh to win. and it was really mean. hey, come on. i aint in a good mood. nono. *sigh* talked abit to kenneth today. hey! he's grown up. =p nice talking to him. marican wasnt here today, so left early. *guilty* nothing much.
made a really important decision on my part. okay, i have decided to take my ssgt test. i mean. it may seem nothing. but having to build up your confidence, and all your hopes, polishing your boots, ironing your uniform and mugging over the theory of drill and topography and then later all these gets crushed because you end up failing. i think i have enough to deal with in my life other than failing my promotion test. but still, like my sister said. "take or dont talk also fail, just try your luck laa!" lol. so, yes! i shall take it.
should have just shut up.
livingherdreams;
+ 6:26 PM
Sunday, March 21, 2004
shouts out loud: bored!
greeat. theres this new e maths tuition teacher that cannot teach. hw went through a simple test paper with only 7 questions for 1 and a 1/2 hours! so interesting. i was falling asleep. stupiid. lol. i dont know how to survive. millie! i need you back here, like immediately now! hai. then went to catch scooby-doo 2 with kim. hoping that it could cheer me up a little. it actually did, for some time that is. after that. it was still bleak. scooby-doo 2 was okay. not too bad. but just not as good as the first one. and guess what. *spoiler alert* reuben, ya, that ami2 winner actually appears in the last part of the film. lame! and it wasnt really very significant. just lame. real lame. lol. but its a if-you-have-the-time-and-have-nothing-to-do-then-catch-it movie. if not, i think your time can be put to better productivity. lol.
but to you, its was never about me.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:01 PM
Saturday, March 20, 2004
shouts out loud: i am by far the stupidest person on earth!
i am scared. if i made my decision. would you stand by it no matter what happens. or raise both hands and object? it doesnt matter what others say, what i want is just your answer. =(
i am the stupidest bitch on earth. by far the most stupid moronic and idiotic person i have ever known. and you proved me right? i think you know who you are! and if you do, thanks. i need help! hello?! =x maybe i have been reading too deep into you words. too deep, i'm falling in myself. thought i could laugh through this whole matter, i was wrong. and i know this has to end.
what happened to my coloured marshmallow world? you painted it for me, and then took it all away the same.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:50 PM
Friday, March 19, 2004
shouts out loud: city venture was fun!
first of all, you are welcome jtrl. and well, finally. a real blog entry.
i think 'fun' is a word under-describing the whole event. lol. the chsnp dudes really put in alot of effort. could sense it. lol! i would like to thank dillon and jun yi. our beloved game masters who without a single complaint ran with us through out the whole game. especially dillon who had to run with us with an old injury. *oops* it was really fun, and i didnt regret going. though i was contemplating on going or not in the first place. had lots of fun. and did some bonding with my dear whitley np mates on some stuff. =p *winkz* but, thanks to the not eating for 6 hours thing. i ended up with acute gastric and had to take a cab form bishan to bishan! =| lol. came home bathed and sleep. was so shagged. would really like to thank cat high for such a wonderful event! =)
woke up this morning with muscle aches. must be the running's fault. now even when i sneeze, my stomach muscle hurts! lol. must go do something about this. like, sleep! =p
to you: never did blame you. really, happy enough to be able to take part. and thanks for making sure everything went right. =D
as you can see, i changed m blog skin! yes! its been a long time since my previous dull black one. lol. hope you like it. bye!
wondering whats going through your mind. cause its all about you! =p
livingherdreams;
+ 1:33 PM
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
shouts out loug again: jtrl, this is for you.
honestly speaking, i dont even know who you are and vice versa. so, well. but what i am saying is that i really admire the way you reacted to the whole thing. it much more rational. and thats what i am saying. its not sarcastic. i am serious. well. i mean it! lol. i am sorry if you mis read my previous entry. well. so as to your complaint about daniel. since i just said i admire you. i cant say that you dont have a logical reasoning. *sorry, but i cant say this for your sis.* and like kim suggested. maybe you two should just ignore one another. =| thats all.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:44 PM
shouts out loud: i cant stop laughing!
well. jtrl and jtlz, lets admit it. stop the crap about 'not happy dont read my blog' thing. because as it seems, we have been reading each anothers blog.
to jtrl (since she wont be reading my blog, well jtlz, convey the msg) : i am really surprised at your reaction. in a good way. really. i take my hat off to you. lol! i officially admire you. you're 14 rite? cool. okay, i am not saying that daniel is the greatest thing that happened to wss. but well, he did help you people rite? and i suppose with that, it is enough for a small little thank you? weel. i may not be there and everything, but i do know what was going on. and i really hope you'll be understanding enough to understand what i am trying to put across. =D
to jtlz: you're a disgrace compared to your sister. oh god. i have never seen anyone with a more limited vocabulary than you. is 'fark' the only word you have ever learnt? if so, i really pity you. i wont try toking sense to you. since you are senseless.
and to the whole wss np unit. *if you guys ever read it in the first place* it was never my mere intention to insult wss. just that i really aint happy with the above mentioned. and all i can say is, be glad your unit had a trainer.
livingherdreams;
+ 4:01 PM
shouts out loud again:some people are bitching!
apparently, some people have been insulting someone dear to me. well, they were more of bitching actually. yea. well, since they have started this, i shall then have very single right to bitch back too! yea. =D *my favourite past time* you two girls, i cannot believe it. after living like 14 years of your totally wasted and pathetic life, did you not at least learn some manners to understand that if you are helped, you ought to thank the helper! dont be stupid. if it wasnt for his help, would your school have won any thing in the first place? now dont go on bragging about what you did for your unit. i feel ashamed. because you made it seem so amazing that you actually helped. so you slacked on all the other days huh? thats my only deduction. come on, you aint any where near greeat. its simply disgusting to realised what kind of npcc cadets there are on earth, actually, its only you two. if i werent late in asking, i would really like to see where your stupidity would have lead you to. perhaps the last page of the results? be glad that you have a dedicated trainer. if not, you and your unit would be worth nothing. NOTHING at all. you get it? ahh. dont even know why i am wasting my blog space for you two idiots. i am over and done with this. but phur-lease. stop behaving like immature fools and insulting someone who has done so much for you people.
haha. and since jtrl mentioned that she can say anything her my blog, i hope she wont get offended that i kinda intentionally openly used her chatterbox to express my feelings. must not waste her efforts that she put in to set it up wad. rite? =D
livingherdreams;
+ 12:03 AM
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
shouts out loud: i want to tell you how i feel!
thank you, for saying all those things. although we lost completely, i am glad to know that you know we appreciate you alot. lets not ponder on the decisions we made in the past. but look forward to what we will have in common in future! lol. and, stop stressing yourself! okay? =p and phur-lease. sleep early. lol. =D
lao da! you rawkz! you are the best officer any one in npcc can ever get! love you lots. the new fancy rifle drill is cool. hehe. you're the best! and kcpnp do rock! =p
why am i hesitating to tell you how i feel, now that you're beside me? the pain so tormenting, but do you know?
livingherdreams;
+ 6:53 PM
Monday, March 15, 2004
shouts out loud: i hate myself!
even if i meant nothing to you, that doesnt mean my world has to stop revolving. what if the girl you were looking for, willing to give you everything, was standing right beside you?
the pen is mightier than the sword. and my heart unsurpassed.
livingherdreams;
+ 11:52 PM
Sunday, March 14, 2004
shouts out loud: i am sick!
i did something stupiid. and i am so guilty. i setted a 11 for my l1r5. 11! thats nonsense! aiyo. =(
ok. i am really sick. and i am running a temperature. this is not good. its has been a long long time since i fell so sick. lol. but better le. i think. at least i stopped tearing. lol.
np was not too bad. but i was really sick and couldnt really pay attention to what my oc was saying. *not like i wanted to in the first place* so my dear ho desmond, was sweet enough to steal a cup for me and made me cereal. lol. three cheers for desmond. =p really really sweet. the cereal was magic. i instantly felt better. but i had a problem once i stood under the sun, i would faint any momnet. i promise. so i slacked around. then saw the bb boys moving here and there. lol. they were having a camp in school. looks fun. =x
went to meet zhi hao with desmond after np. he was going to celebrate whitley's results for the cc com. and then i suddenly realised. i havent congratulate them yet. so, congrats wss cc com team! =p then went to bishan mac to eat. it was really fun on the way. me and kim freaaked norman out. all the way. lol. *winkz* finished my meal and then couldnt take it anymore. so walked home. and ian walked me home. thanks alot, dude! lol.
went home to take medicine and sleep. woke up feeling much better. then received a msg from zhi hao asking me to dine out. so ok i agreed. so i met up with desmond and eng larp first. and guess who was late? lol. it was ok if he was late. but he informed us he wasnt eating! lol. thats going to be an unforgettable memory for him. lol. j8 was too crowded, so we went to s11.
trust me, we sat down from about 8 to 11.30 just talking. talking and talking. then jie larp came. lol. things started to be a little lame. so we decided it was time to go home! yesh! then went home lor. lol. and i was tearing again when i came home. so went to eat medicine again and sleep. woke up this morning. worse. nothing seemed better, and i had cramps! thanks ahh. lol. i am going to sleep now. thanks for listening to me nag! =p
what if i told you? would you turn away in disbelief or would you embrace me with all that you have got?
livingherdreams;
+ 12:20 PM
Thursday, March 11, 2004
lol! cool. i was so busy with my homework that i had no time to blog. *guai guai*
ok, big news. the false ceiling in one of my school classes fell down. lol. yesh! fell down like that. it just came crashing down like no one's business.but no worries, no one died. only injured. but it was quite funny laa. someone said that the paramedics had to use that electric gel on that boy who was hit by the false piece of ceiling. but the fact is he walked to the ambulance! stupiid ahh! then the scdf and firemen all came in. big big issue man. lol. but ok le. so now all the affected classes are shifted to a new place. and i get to study in the mpr! =) *air-con*
actually, other than that. got nothing else interesting about these two days le. lol. but tml is the last day of the first term and also it is zhi hao's birthday! go wish him. go! go! =p oh yah! and *i*c**t! you pissed me off. you realy did. and i really dun wanna care! but where the hell did i piss you off that you had to make some stupiid childish remarks? arg.
there is always space on the top. but even more at the bottom. never wait for your ship. swin out to meet it.
livingherdreams;
+ 6:34 PM
Saturday, March 06, 2004
lol. first of all. i would like to apologise for not blogging for four days. so i shall blog a really really long one today ok? *winkz*
how shall i start? must say it had been an eventful day. and i spent the last 2 days preparing for it. lol. for the starters, let say that today is the first entreprise day tyem has ever organised in collabration with rjc. as usual, me and yc went to help out. it was chaotic. everything was so chaotic at the registration table! the tags for the teachers were all entangled together. and we had a hard time entangling them, let alone find the respective name. were crawling on the floor, so pathetic. haha!
then after that not too bad. settled down. then went to settle the food. the students came down. ate the food. so happy. cause seems to have alot of extra. then, suddenly, another group of students came down and say that they were the second group. so all the coaches were like stunned. cause there were only cakes left. *to think i ate vegeterian bee hoon* so we started to ration the cakes. not too bad. just nice. so we decided to increase order with caterer. but he say cannot. because all the food is already packed. so how? dieee! but nvm. we got people like andrew who is kind enough to drive out and buy big mac! yea! *which i didnt eat until after the whole thing*
then after that went to the concert hall. *let me say this. i have no idea, why the hell they need a concert hall, drama theatre and an auditorium. <- acs barker* helped out in setting up the stage and well just doing all the odd jobs. including placement of the trophies. which, to me. had a resemblance to the oscars. lol. but he's carrying a briefcase. so all the speakers and performancers came to do rehearsal laa. and walla! those break dancers guys. cartoon! they were fooling around at backstage, doing really lame stuff. hehe.
then the fun really began. they actually mixed wayang with break dancing. *dun ask me to tell you how. please, dont.* and well. quite interesting. then hossan leong came. *for all those who dont know, hes that stage actor. oh my god. hes talented. hes now my new goal. =)* and he sang so beautifully. and then elim came and showed her video, which touched me again. though it was the 4th time i was seeing it. lol. then jun wei came. ya. jun wei, that ufm 100.3 guy. lol. hes elim's good friend and mc of the day. hes billingual! and a very good one at that. *clapz clapz* and turns out he and hossan are acs guys. haha. jun wei got the look, but hossan? *oopsz*
and the talk started, with all the students streaming in. hossan started off really well, making everyone laugh till their stomach ached. and hes really a good speaker. then elim. *clapz clapz* <- biasness *if not dont get pay* lol. she, well. what can i say? i heard that speech for like 4 times? hehe. then it was me and yc's turns to go up and give up the awards together with mr loo. the erm. raffles medical guy. and shit. we mixed up everything! yesh! everything. gosh. nvm. was forgiven by stella. lol.
thought it was going to be boring. cause this apple guy, junior was going to talk. but hey. not too bad. hes a good and captivating speaker. or maybe it was the apple gadgets that everyone was looking at. lol. then that dr andrew goh guy. looks are deceiving. he looks boring. but wow. he gives talks for a living. and he is good at it. lol. enjoyed it. today was also the launch of ace.
then went down to ps to cut hair with yc. not too bad. she looks good. after which we went t poa to shop. and i bought a pink shoe. act cute! yea. lol. then came home lor. and blog. yesh! i am finally done. are you happy?
leadership is an action, not a position. it is not what happens when you are there, it is what happens when you are not.
livingherdreams;
+ 9:48 PM
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
i am as tired as a goof ball. sighz. but good news is. lotr acheived all 11 oscars it was nominated for. ah. something that made my day. lol. chinese was easy today. wrote 2 words wrongly though. thats 3 marks. shucks. lol. then biology. thanks mrs chow. she came out the only question which i refused to believe would come out and left it blank. stuipidity! arg. thats about it for the common tests.
two various pe teachers in training relieved our classes today. and the girls beside me starting take photos. *faint* lol. they were discussing something i thought sound unmistakenly like "butts". haha. then cme. interesting. marriage and parenthood. lol. talked quite abit. and sorry guys. but my cme deem you guys irresponsible and egoistic. which i would not disagree. hee. theres a minority that are perfectly gentlemanly though. =p physics. lawrence tan as usual stretched. but nvm. i am ok with it. then came home.
checked out the lotr webby! so many new stuff. lol. kool. you peeps should check it out too. their webby won some prize too. cant remember what. hehe. love lotr. =)
never look down on anyone. for they'll spread their wings and soar the sky. never look down on yourself. for if you do. you'll never climb higher.
livingherdreams;
+ 5:34 PM
Monday, March 01, 2004
lord of the rings took home so many awards from the oscars! woarhs! proud of you. lol! peter jackson you rawkz. orlando bloom too. =p
livingherdreams;
+ 6:31 PM
want to start off my day badly. give me a literature test on a prose passage i can barely understand. that is it! i do not understand what the hell i was writing. and i fell alseep! thanks ahh, brain. then went on to e maths. warhs. nearly couldnt finish the paper. fortunately, i woke up to my senses in time. and was suddenly all clear and aware of what i was doing again. lol. then nothing much laa. had social studies.
chapel. horrible. how can they use chapel to scold us? and not to mention the public caning. arg. they even eat into two periods. nonsense. poor mr tan. bet he was very sad that we couldnt attend his physics lessons. which i really wanted to attend. damn it. then had biology. motherly mrs chow went over the four topics that are being tested tomorrow. so kind of her. lol. then i chiong to popular to get some ten year series for biology again. ( i think its my 6th one already). then jing ting came over and she studied. and i am still stuck on microorganisms. i hate this chapter! ahh! never mind. for my future. i shall work hard. heh.
learn to trust. for it is the fundamentals for building strong relationships. learn to take things in stride. for every failure brings about greater understanding.
livingherdreams;
+ 5:30 PM